Monday, February 14, 2011

The Blind Bow-Boy's Butt-Shaft

It's kind of a Valentine's Day tradition for me to post this poem. A few years ago a good friend of mine told me she was going to be the Grinch who stole Valentine's Day when we were commiserating about what an awful holiday it is (I still hate it, btw, even being "in love and all engaged" [name that song?]). So. I wrote this little poem and I just can't go a Valentine's Day without posting it. Oh and if you're not versed in Shakespearean, "the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft" is translated as "Cupid's arrow" in your terms. It's from Romeo and Juliet, which brings even more irony to the poem. Enjoy!

"The Blind Bow-Boy's Butt-Shaft"

"I'm gonna be the Grinch who stole Valentine's Day," she said.
I just laughed at her and shook my head.
But then the thought occurred to me,
Just how famous she could be.

The single girls would sing her praise.
Hallmark would be closed for days.
She'd be a hero to poor college boys.
Save parents from buying cheezy toys

She'd definitely go down in history
They'd show her picture on tv
She'd be looking cross, yet awfully proud
There'd be a screaming, roaring crowd

The cookies and the candies, too
Would melt and rot and turn to goo.
The flowers all would wilt and die.
No dozen roses from your guy.

She'd be infamous throughout the world
The wretched, lonely Valentine girl*
She'd snarl at cutesy heart-shaped cards
And Valentine boxes and lyrics from bards.

She'd hate my cheezy, rhyming lines
They'd slap her with all kinds of fines
But she'd take joy in killing the day
It's a day of misery, anyway

So if your flowers disappear,
Don't sniffle, pout, or shed a tear.
We'll all be better in the end
Thanks to my grinchy Valentine friend.

*Disclaimer: As always, I must express that this is written in jest and good fun, and I find the "grinch" neither lonely nor wretched.