Saturday, March 5, 2011

Lucy Gets Revenge

I'm pretty sure that theory about birds evolving from raptors, or vice versa, is pretty legit. I live with a raptor. Ok, ok, it's a turkey. But still. I need to properly introduce you to Thomffson and give you our history, but I just don't have time to do that today. What I do have time for, is to tell you about another Lucy Ricardo episode of my life :)

I came home from dropping Chloe at school just after noon yesterday. The dogs had been out of food for a couple of days (don't worry, they had lasagna, fettuccine, a can of puppy food, and other unidentifiable things from the fridge), and Mister had brought home a bag the night before, so I was feeding them. As I was getting them all situated, I heard that all-too-familiar GOBBLE!

The deal we have out here is that Thomffson stays in the chicken coopy pen thingy as long as I promise to keep him fed and watered. Not my pet, but I do this because the sheer terror we experience when he's loose is unthinkable. Again, I'll fill you in on all that later.

So I got the ol' sack-o-corn and headed out to his pen. Normally I will just toss some through the chicken wirey fency stuff and be on my way, but I knew I hadn't fed him in a week day or two, probably and figured he was completely out of corn. So I scooped up a big handful and put my fingers up to the fencing in order to pour the corn in without spilling any outside the fence.

*Disclaimer: If you're sensitive to language, please do not read on. You've been warned.

PECK! He got hold of my finger.

"OUCH! Damn you, you stupid shit!" was something close to what I said, after screaming like a little girl.
"You wanna peck me you sonofabitch? You want to? Haven't you heard not to bite the damned hand that feeds you? NO? Ok, well I'm about to educate you on that, you shit head!"

I then scooped up a few handfuls of corn and pelted him with mad fury gently tossed it into his cage.

Then I got the hose.

Because he was thirsty. His bowl was dry. Bless his little turkey loving, hand-pecking heart.

I always stick my thumb in the hole of the hose and strategically shoot the water through the fence into his bowl, because there's no WAY I'm going in there.  So I filled up his water bowl. Then I thought to myself, "Hmm. Thomffson looks like he needs a bath."

So I stuck my thumb in the hole and shot that water with as much pressure as I could get.

"How do you like that you sonofabitch?! Hm?! How's that? It's raining, it's pouring!!!!"  I may or may not have "watered' him a little more than necessary to avenge my poor pecked finger, but I was like one of those crazed killers who means to stab once, then can't stop ;) Once he was thoroughly wet, and running in circles trying to avoid the water, making himself look crazy, I finally quit.

"There. Teach you to peck my hand you stupid shit!" I hollered at him. I hung the hose back up oh-so-smugly, and walked out toward the driveway.

Then I heard something.  Er, ah, someONE.

Right across the road, in the field getting up cows, was my lovely soon-to-be brother-in-law, and his "farm hand" for the day, a guy from up the road.


They. Got. A. Show.

They haven't mentioned this incident yet....but I've been pretty good at avoiding them.


Such is life when you've got a little Lucy in ya ;)


  1. Lol, Oh to have been a witness. I am sorry you got pecked but it does make a good story. :-)

  2. Ugh I dislike birds with a passion. We had a chicken once who was in love with me she followed me every where I went (outside) and would get as close to me as she could and try to peck at me. I used to run and scream at her like crazy!