Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"I'll NEVER...."

I happened to be in town yesterday during Sonic's "happy hour," and couldn't pass up a Sonic Coke. Chloe and I pulled in and ordered our drinks. She decided she wanted mozzarella sticks (why don't they have half-price appetizers??), so we sat there so she could eat her food.

While we were sitting there chatting, an old lady pulled up beside us. She got out of her car and headed straight toward the bathroom entrance.

When she first exited her car, I wondered if she'd chosen Sonic as a place to stop, or if she was planning on getting food there but had to use the bathroom first. Was she a resident, or was she passing through? Was she going to meet someone, or coming from her Senior Aerobics class? Did she crave Sonic Cokes too? My mind is a crazy place ;)

Then as she walked toward the door, I began looking at her crushed velvet pant-suit thing and wondered to myself if that was "one of those things." You know, the things you swear when you're a teenager you'll NEVER do when you get old?

Things that, when you get older, you realize you maybe have no control over, you can learn to accept, or you just don't care about?

For example. In my teen years, I likely said the following things:

"I'll always wear sunscreen. I'm NOT going to be wrinkly or freckly."

"I'll make sure I NEVER get stretch-marks."

"I'll never dye my hair. I'm going to age gracefully."

"I would NEVER consider owning a mini-van!"

"I'll never lose my temper with MY kids."

"Gravity won't affect MY perky boobs!"

"I would NEVER poop in a public bathroom!"

"I'll NEVER let myself get THAT fat. Even if I have kids, I'll get my body RIGHT back."

As you have probably guessed, I found that as I aged my attitude changed a little. Some of the things were uncontrollable. Things that, despite my best efforts, happened anyway. Things I've had to learn to accept about myself and my body. Things I've realized that, though they might not be "cool," are practical. So, will a velvet pant-suit one day be the comfortable, practical solution for my retirement body? I kinda hope not.

But then something else happened.

As I was eyeing the pant-suit thing, the lady began to fuss with the door handle. You have to turn it up instead of down, and it took her a minute to figure it out. And just as she figured out which way to turn it, I saw it.




Yep. She was peeing her pants. I was immediately grossed out.

But then I felt bad. Obviously she didn't *mean* to pee her pants. If she knew I saw her, I know she'd be mortified (and here I am, telling the whole world). It's probably one of those things that you don't understand until you get old and get plagued by it.

What saddened me is that I could see that being me.

"I'm NOT buying Depends. I will stop as often as I have to, but I am NOT buying Depends."

Heck even after having a kid I've noticed my bladder is weaker than it once was.

Will I be that lady one day? Running to use a public toilet (something I do only in DIRE emergencies, and even then I hover) and peeing right there on the Sonic sidewalk as teenagers and young people snicker and point?

I hope not.

But I guess that's another one of those things I better think about as a possibility rather than being "SO GLAD THAT WILL NEVER BE ME!"

'Cause it could be me.

It could be you.

You just never know what age will bring, unfortunately. And I don't quite like making the best of it sometimes.


  1. The poor thing! I have a weak bladder I am always looking for a bathroom! I will definitely be buying depends one day maybe not a velvet pantsuit though!

  2. Dude. I once witnessed a poor little old lady trying to hot-foot it out of Walmart in her white pants that she had, erm, visibly soiled. I just about started crying because her embarrassment was palpable. :(

  3. Aww :( Aging appears to be the shits. Gr.