Friday, October 2, 2009

Stress Diet 101

Ok. So I'm not on a weight-loss plan or program. I don't REALLY even have a goal. I'm not actively TRYING to lose weight. I have noticed, however, that since my emotional life leveled off, I have found myself comfortable, content, even happy. You know what this means right? Fat.

I'm not obese by any means. I'm skinnier now than I was pre-baby. However, I became somewhat accustomed to the stress diet, and I'm struggling with this fat and happy thing. I was on the SD for so long, I lost most of my ability to reason and limit my food choices and intake.

Let me explain my stress diet to you.

Phase 1:
Stress begins. Knots in stomach lead to loss of appetite. Moderate eating to fasting occur. Weight loss begins. Jeans fit well.
After initial stress period (5-7 days), you will experience stomach shrinkage and appetite changes. Should last 1-2 weeks depending on stress level.

Phase 2:
Stress levels have spiked immediately following initial stress period (5-7 days) OR Phase 1 has lasted more than two weeks without ceasing. Moderate eating occurs with spurts of "bad food" binging. High stress levels burn calories taken in. Weight loss is noticeable. Jeans are loose.

Phase 3:
Stress levels have remained in effect for more than 3 weeks without ceasing with sporadic spikes. Appetite returns on SPIKE days, when body feels ready to buckle. Bad food binges are common, and you can eat what you want when you want. Periods of stomach knots/fasting and high stress (burning calories) cause more noticeable weight loss. New Buckle jeans in a size 7 are necessary, and they're not even that tight.

Phase 4: A period of maintained skinniness so long as mild stress is in place. Participants may volley between stages 3 and 4 until death or exit the program upon lack of stress, whichever occurs first.

I'm off the stress diet. Obviously this is an attempt at satire to some degree, and I in no way, shape or form endorse this "diet," nor do I think it was a healthy time. It's merely a comical look at the way stress affects my body.

I'm no longer stressed. I like food. Nothing stops me from eating it. Needless to say I can NOT put those dark denim Buckle jeans on, which is a good waste of 90 bucks.

I want to drop a few pounds by watching what I eat and drink, and I want to maintain a healthy weight (that still allows me to wear those ddBjs if I am in the mood for tight fittin' jeans that don't look small).

I have done really well this week. I have switched to strictly Diet Coke at work. I still haven't given up my sweet tea in the evenings, but I eat a good dinner and only a small sampling of breakfast or lunch.

Today, however, I am fighting the urge to go to Bullseye, get a doughnut, a Rice Krispie Treat, a fountain Pepsi, and a bag of Combos. And a Milky Way.

Someone is cooking down the hall. I have been looking through the pie and coookie sales fundraiser. I see food. I smell food. I WANT FOOD.

Man CAN live on bread alone and I'd give anything to have a loaf right now!

For now, though, I will blog. I will distract myself until I no longer have the option of leaving work. I will not succumb to my desire for carbs. Will power. It's not as strong or as effective as stress, but I'm exercising it right now.

Oh! Does exercising will power count as exercise????

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