It's no secret that I'm crazy in love. This guy, my Mister as you know him, came along about two years ago and changed my whole life. I was in the midst of a nasty divorce, and was at the least opportune time in my life to take on a new relationship, but when he came into my life, it was an unstoppable force.
I thought at first that we'd just "talk" and save the dating and the falling in love for later when I was more stable, more secure, less crazy, but sometimes life doesn't let you decide how it's gonna happen. We started talking and we immediately bonded. We were best friends. We could talk about anything, and we did. Every time I was happy or sad, he was the one I needed.
Before our first kiss, he knew more about me than most of my friends. In my mind I didn't see how we meshed. He's younger than I am. He's never been married or had kids. He's a farmer. If you've read my blog The Plan you can easily see how our lives were once very different, and the changes I made to my material life in order to make a life with him.
But I've found that all that exterior stuff doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter. Footwear doesn't matter ;) All that matters is that we work.
I'm an emotional person. I'm driven by my feelings and my reactions to the things of life. I've had a LOT of life experience in a short amount of time. I'm jaded and cynical. I have BAD days. "Headache" days where I can't seem to do much more than make it through the day. I'm insecure, I'm moody, and I'm inconstant. I'm a lot to handle sometimes, and I know it. At that time I was coming out of a very troubled two years, and was no less than a big ol' mess.
But this guy? He's strong. He is in touch with his emotions, but emotionally in control. He's rational. He's steady and constant. And you know what I'd say is the ONE thing that he does that has always kept us close? He refuses to let me run.
When things get to be too complicated, or I start to feel too much, I sometimes back away emotionally. Like a little turtle, I retreat to my shell (SHELL TIME!) and close it up tight. I like that feeling of protection and security. But he's taught me that I can still have that in the outside world. He's proven to me that he's NOT going to leave. He's NOT going to change his feelings about me based on my past, or my baggage, or my bad days.
He's seen me at my worst and loves me anyway. He doesn't "tolerate" my bad days. He works to make them better. He's the only one who truly gets me. He knows when I'm retreating, and he knows how to pull me back in. He talks to me about everything, and he cares about how I feel. He says he's sorry when he's wrong, and sometimes he says it when he isn't ;)
On top of all that, he provides for us. He takes care of my baby girl as if she were his very own. He likes to spend time with us, and most days we're joined at the hip.
I'm not saying we're perfect. We have our little fusses. I get my feelings hurt. Sometimes he's a TOTAL GUY and irritates me to no end. Sometimes he messes with me one too many times and I declare him "SUCH an a-hole!" then storm off rolling my eyes and sighing. He leaves his clothes on the living room floor. Every. Day. But at the end of the day, when the house is quiet and the lights are out, we always find that crazy love again. We know how to let go of the worries of the day, how to talk out our problems and our issues, and how to get back to that place where we are the only thing each other can see.
He's my best friend, and the love of my life. He's everything I'm not, and I love that about him. He makes me want to be a better person, and he's the only person who knows how to help me BE the best me. And today, after all this time and all the things he's seen me through, he's going to marry me. He's going to pledge his life to me, and to my little girl.
And for the first time, I believe in someone.
When we say our vows today, I know he means it. It's not just words. It's a promise. A promise we'll both keep. Today I become his wife, and there is nothing in this world that would make me happier. Today we become husband and wife, making our bond even stronger and our hearts even closer. So here's to true love.
As a final note, I told Chloe last night, "Chlo, tomorrow it will be official. We will be a REAL family!" She looked at me with a smile and said, "Whaddaya mean we'll be a real family? We already ARE a real family, silly!" And she's right. This just makes us stronger.