Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Step 1: Admit You Have a Problem

Hi, my name is Andrea and I have a problem. With food. Actually I DON'T have a problem with food, and that's my real problem.

Ok, I'm not one of those wackos who eats inedible items or has food fettishes (is fettishes a word? and no offense, btw if you are, indeed, one of those 'wackos' ;)

Anyway. I love food. I love to eat. I look forward to dinner. Eating out is a hobby I indulge myself in, not something I do to nourish my body. I reward myself with food. I abuse it when I had a bad day (much like many adults would pour themselves a stiff drink). I use it for socialization (let's do lunch!) What's worse is I'm picky, and quite frankly the things I love are allllllll bad news.

For instance.

I love real butter. I love it on bread, on toast, in my (almost like clouds from heaven) mashed potatoes, in green beans, on muffins, in cookies, I love it here or there, I love it anywhere! I even fry fried potatoes in it. I KNOW! Stop judging me.

I love whole milk. To drink. In those potatoes I told you about. When I cook. For breakfast. In my cereal. I used to drink 2% but when Chloe started cow's milk and they recommended whole for her, I saw no use in buying two gallons, so I joined her in the all fatty chlostrum goodness (is it bad that doesn't gross me out??).

Chocolate is one of my best friends.

Whole wheat what????? I want white bread (if you know me AT ALL you already know my bread obsession) or sourdough, or something not brown. I like bread with every meal. I like crackers (in whole milk oh man I love that!), I like pasta (not the brown kind). I want toast for breakfast and grilled cheese for lunch (with real butter of course) and rolls with my dinner. Then I want crackers and milk while I watch my shows. I. Love. Carbs.

Sweet tea is my other best friend (don't tell chocolate). And I don't care what anyone says, Splenda DOES NOT taste like SUGAR! Holy nasty substitute, Batman! I'll drink unsweet tea when I'm out, but at home I want it sweet. With sugar. The kind from cane. White and grainy and FULL of calories. I also like Coke, though we've become more distant since I don't sit at a desk all day. And my milk.

Red meat. Bacon. Sausage. Bologna (yep I said it). I eat my fair share of chicken and the healthier parts of Senor Porky, but I'd rather have hamburger or steak any day.

All those things they tell us to modify so we can still have the things we love are things I hold onto with every fiber (ewww not that kind of fiber) of my being! Just getting me to switch to margarine would be a battle like no other. They say have spaghetti, but go whole wheat. NO! I'd rather just eat something else altogether. Use splenda? You already know how I feel about that. Why does everything YUMMY have to be so bad?

I look at my expanding waistline and realize I have to do something. It's CLEARLY my eating habits that keep me from being my slimmest self. But I think I'm going to need more than twelve steps to get in gear.  I did well today. I had grapes for breakfast, and juice. I had half a grilled cheese (the bad kind...oh and Chloe's crust) with a salad (lettuce and croutons and lite dressing only) rather than Doritos for lunch, and frozen grapes for a snack. Now I am dreaming of spaghetti, ready to eat my way through anything refined, and waiting for dinner time HOPING I can make a wise choice and call this day a success. And thinking if I have to eat one more motherlicking grape to keep myself out of the fridge I'm going to explode...

But then I have to get up tomorrow and do it again. And I don't want to. It's like making me go to the dentist two days in a row. This is more than willpower, friends. This is a severe disease, nay, love affair (ok that's a little far) that calls for drastic measures =/ Wish me luck.

P.S. if you're picturing me now as Fat Bastard from Austin Powers, please know that I am hungry. I am carb-deprived, and it's my crazed hunger talking, not "normal" me. Oh, and I am still in the "normal" range on my Wii Fit, so skinny me can still be saved =)

1 comment:

  1. Watch Food Inc. I haven't eaten hardly anything in days.