Monday, December 12, 2011

Accepting what it became...

I was living my life, minding my business, when I logged into Blogger and came across this post. You don't *have* to go read it, but it's all nifty and comes up in a separate window, so you might as well.

Usually I read someone's blog and think, "ooh she's so right," or "oh that's awful," or "I can't imagine..." but reading this blog ignited something. Maybe because it hit me so close to home.

Friendship is a beautiful, wonderful, fulfilling thing. It's also a tragic thing. It's much like a boy/girl relationship, but almost MORE complicated sometimes. With boys we date, we court, we mend a few breaks in our hearts, then find that special someone who seems to fit and make us happy, and usually we commit to one guy. One at a time at least.

Friendships are different. It's ok to have lots of friends. Different relationship levels. But sometimes you find that friend who just seems to click. Like she might be "the one." The one you spend the most of your time with. The one who gets you. The one who is like you in so many ways (or at least seems to be). The one who feels like a sister to your soul.

The one who breaks your heart.

With "regular" friends you can drift quietly away and move on with life, never realizing you have diluted them out or vice versa. You can still smile and say, "It's so good to see you! How are you?" in the grocery store, and though it may be a little awkward, it's usually not a bad thing.

But THAT girl? The one you broke up with? Or the one who dumped you? She's the one you had a blow-out with. The one that took you through a range of emotions from love to enraged to sad to indifferent to crazed to numb. The one you see in the grocery store and duck behind the pyramid of tomato paste to avoid making eye contact.

Over time, though, you heal. Even though you remember what she did and what she said, you've come to a point in your life where you're over it. It's moot. You've come to a new place in life and all the junk that was SO! IMPORTANT! when you fell out, suddenly has no place in your life whatsoever.

Suddenly a song comes on the radio. Or you go to that place you always had lunch together. Or maybe there's a crispness in the air that reminds you of that season of life when she was your world. The smell of a certain food, or a show on tv. Anything that makes you remember the perfectness of what was, and helps you forget the tragedy of what it became.

And you pick up the phone. You write an email. You creep her Facebook. For just a moment you long for the comfort and ease of what was, and think just MAYBE it could be again. What it became doesn't have to matter anymore, does it?

The sad truth is that it can't be what it was. It won't. No matter how much you forgive and forget, just as soon as you start reliving the past, it comes back to remind you what happened. The only options seem to be making amends, and keeping a safe distance, becoming generalized acquaintances, or going back and doing it again, only to find that the good brings the bad back with it. Almost always.

The best thing to do? Love the good memories. Relish that smell or that song for just a minute, then move on. Don't let yourself forget for too long why you came to be without her. Call it a life lesson and deal with it. Accept what it became, and know it became that way for a reason.

Didn't it?


  1. Thanks for linking to my post...but thanks also for getting it SO MUCH. It's like you took the words right out of my soul. The ones I couldn't get to fit into that blog post because they were a jumble in my head.

    This right here? This is the reason I love the internet. Because people GET it and make you feel a little less alone. Basically...Nail? Meet hammer. That's the one that hit you right on the head.

    I'm sad that you know exactly what I mean..that it is like some sort of crazy breakup with songs and places and foods and memories that take you back to places...and thanks for putting it into a certain perspective that I...needed.

    If for a moment..I felt a little less alone. Thank you..<3

  2. Or hear this song and bawl your eyes out every time, even if you think you've healed: