The Tickle Monster IS Scary.

Let me just preface this with a little tid-bit about me. I HATE BEING TICKLED. Hate it. It enrages me. I don't laugh. Ever. I kick, hit, yell, grit my teeth, whatever, to make it stop. In addition, I have a very personal bubble of space and with the exception of some close friends and family, I don't like for it to be invaded.

My mini-me is the same way, which is why I can relate to her so much in the following circumstance....

A few days back Chloe got off the bus at the tire shop. A tire shop is no easy place for a little girl (or a big one, ha!) It's full of men, and one thing men love to do is give little girls a hard time. She is used to being teased lovingly from time-to-time, and there are certain guys she sees every day who give her a high-five or ask her about school.

But the other day there was a guy in here who chased her a little bit, teasing that he was going to tickle her. We were about to leave, anyway, and she managed to dodge him. But I could tell she was uncomfortable. When we left, she told me that she didn't like that guy "boddering" her. I told her I didn't blame her, and that she NEVER has to let ANYONE "bodder" her if it makes her uncomfortable.

The mama bear was coming out in me. It's not that I think this guy is a bad guy or has bad intentions AT ALL, but the best of intentions doesn't excuse the behavior. If a child feels uncomfortable, you give her space. I don't understand why people think because a person is small it makes it ok to grab them, hug them, or pick them up.

The next day he was at it again, and this time she ran from him, screaming, and hid. And I just stood there, torn. I was NOT going to coax her and tell her it was fine, or tell her not to run away. I think that reaction is good, and she needs that in case she is ever in a situation when I am not there. The guys all looked at me, kinda like I needed to control her, but I just walked away. He assured her that he would NEVER hurt her, not to be scared, but that he LOVES to tickle little kids. He has nieces and nephews he tickles ALL the time. While that would make some feel more at ease, I think it made him even scarier to Chlo.

That night we talked about what was appropriate. Anything that makes her uncomfortable: inappropriate. Any time a grown man (who isn't a close family member) wants to touch or tickle or grab at her, even if she ISN'T uncomfortable: inappropriate.

The next day came, and I figured by this time he would have got the hint. But when she got off the bus, there he was, threatening to catch her and tickle her. This time she ran, screaming, across the parking lot out to my father-in-law's car, where she tried to get in the back seat to no avail.

I called her over, and shielded her as I took her into the office, where she hid under my desk until he left.

And I finally realized this is a problem.

But what do I do?

This isn't the big city. I can't say something like, "No offense, but my daughter feels uncomfortable when you theraten to tickle her, and I'd appreciate it if you could respect her personal space enough to not do that." He's a customer. A good acquaintance of the Mister's family. Nothing I say is going to sound anything short of calling him a child-molester to this small-minded community.

But I also feel compelled to speak up and protect my daughter, even though she's doing a great job on her own. And if it doesn't stop soon, I'll end up snapping, and what comes out may be far worse and more damaging than the PC statement above.

But if I keep failing to SHOW her I will end it, maybe she won't trust me to handle things in the future (God forbid there ever BE a situation). What if she thinks, "Well I handled the Tickle Monster with no help from Mom, so maybe I should just try to handle Mr. Molester myself." It's sickening to even think about, but as the mother of a little girl, it's something I ALWAYS have in the back of my mind.

Being a mom is tough.

Marks of Love

"Mom, why can't I have macaroni and cheese every day?" Chloe asked me the other evening.

"Well, it's not very good for you," I explained. "It's just a lot of fat and fillers. It's ok now and then, but you don't want to eat it a lot," I told her. She pondered what I had said.

"You don't want me to be chubby like Suzie, do ya?" she concluded.

Stop. I had to stop and contemplate what I would say to her. This was a prime time to discuss body image, and I didn't want to give her the wrong idea. How did I tell her that no, I don't WANT her to be "chubby," as she put it, but that if she IS chubby, she should love herself anyway and not be obsessed with skinny. I have a hard time embracing my own body, how can I teach HER to do it?

"I want you to be healthy, but I don't care what you look like as long as you are healthy," I told her.

"Ahhh!" she said, as if having had a EUREKA moment. "I see. So you let me have mac and cheese SOMETIMES even 'doh it has fat, because I need to grow my curves."

"Huh?"

"Girls shouldn't be straight like a boy. Day need ta grow dere curves so dey will be pretty like a lady," she told me. I smiled.

She was right. I find myself struggling so often with weight and body image, and from the mouth of a five year-old comes a nugget of wisdom. Here I was trying to teach HER a lesson, and she was teaching me one.

But the kicker came just a few nights ago.

Every night after we have both taken a bath, we sit together and put on our lotion. She struggles with eczema, so I have to keep her hydrated, and it's no secret she loves getting her back and belly rubbed every night. She, in turn, likes to put my belly balm on my belly, being sure to get IN my belly button so that the baby can have some, too ;)

As she was putting it on the other night, she asked me why I just put it on my belly.

"To keep it from getting too dry," I replied. "When my skin is dry, it gets really tight, and with the baby growing and pulling my skin, it will stretch easier if it's not so dry," I went on to explain.

"Did you use it wif me?" she asked? I told her I did. She put some more on her little finger and rubbed it just below my belly button.

"Here. Let me put some on your stretch marks. I was a big girl, wasn't I? To make dose."

I was quiet. There are one or two things I'm super-sensitive about, and those scars of motherhood are definitely one of them. "I don't want to talk about those," I told her quietly.

"Why? Dere so beautiful," she said with a smile.

I know she picked up on my tone and my mood. I know she knew it bothered me and was just trying to make me feel better.

"I don't think so," I said.

"Day are. Day make your skin look like it's got pretty lace on it. Like your weddin' dress. See my belly? My skin is just (scrunchy face) all plain and boring. You have a lacey belly. I hope when I have a baby I get a lacey belly," She said with a smile.

And while I KNOW they're not pretty and they DON'T look like lace, the fact that she went to such great lenghts to try and CHANGE my perception amazes me. Now every time I see them, instead of ugly scars, I see wedding lace. And I feel love. And now it's more than just the mark of becoming a mother. It's a mark of love.

The biggest thing I learned? Teaching her about body image may not be as important as SHOWING her how to love your body. A lesson that SHE taught ME.

Why you might think twice before saying "never..."

It all started in July 2009 I suppose.

My divorce had just become finalized, and I had just started seeing the Mister regularly. (Way to give myself time to emotionally heal, eh? Well. I worked through most of my failed marriage trauma long before the papers were signed. This was just a technicality.)

My mom had just finished cancer treatments a few months prior, and I had booked us a beach vacation over her birthday in August. Just the girls. Me, Mama, and Chloe. To say I was excited would be an understatement. I had an amazing new guy in my life. I'd had a great summer so far, about to end with a memorable family trip. I had a new job about to begin. I had re-arranged the entire house to be rid of all things XWad and had made it homey and nice for a mama and baby girl making it on their own. And I had a garage full of stuff that needed to be dealt with.

Did I mention I had lost about 30 pounds over the preceeding two years? I was wearing skinny BKE jeans and cute Maurices shirts. I was enjoying my new life, and really had no desire for marriage or children (namely PREGNANCY) in my future. Don't get me wrong. I knew my Mister was meant for me. I just didn't foresee us EVER getting married at that time (fast forward to happily married pregnant me and you can see why one should never say never hehe).

So when I started going through the baby stuff, I saw dollar signs rather than practicality for the future. I priced it all. I kept a few of Chloe's special clothes and shoes, but mostly I was looking for vacation cash. And I got it. Bye bye baby furniture. Pack and play that was nearly new? Gone. Most of her clothes and sleepers gone. Baby shoes and toddler shoes? Buh bye.

People keep saying, "Oh at least since its a girl (or "your second") you won't need as much. You can use all Chloe's old stuff." I just smile and nod, and think back to that warm sand and salty air.

Maybe it wasn't the best decision for the future, but it sure was a good decision at the time. And I wouldn't trade this

for all the baby stuff in the world :)

Let's talk about....5 Questions

It's Friday and thank goodness it is! I worked a (almost) full week this week and I haven't done that since before Christmas! Look at me go! But I'm just SO glad to be feeling well again.

I haven't done a 5QF in a while, so I thought I'd do one today. It distracts me from the BS I'm being forced to listen to right now with two old farts in here blowing hot air ;)
1. What have you done recently that you are proud of?
I think Chloe's room is my proudest accomplishment right now. We moved her to the basement, at HER request (we've had some tsk tsk moments suggesting we stuffed her in a dungeon). I painted it hot pink by myself (with some little helping hands), found a funky purple carpet and bought it, and arranged her room. It's very pre-teen meets toddler and she absolutely LOVES having her own space down there. She's never had much in the way of decor or set-up, so I feel proud that she finally has a room designed just for her.


2. What is your favorite way to work out? Or if you don't workout, what are you wanting to try?
I love to walk outside with my MP3 player. If only the weather would always be sunny, breezy, and 75.

Otherwise I don't mind doing my Wii Fit or Just Dance...or a combination of both. I like to do steps while I watch tv and I love the boxing :)

I wish I had an indoor bike. I always loved that the most when I went to the gym.


3. If you knew you best friend was cheating on spouse would you tell?
Nope.

Whether she is right or wrong, my loyalty is to my best friend. It's not my place to judge her decisions, and even if I don't approve of what she's doing, I wouldn't betray her. I might talk to her about how I felt about it. I might encourage her to "shit or get off the pot" or to tell him herself, but I would never take that into my own hands.

And I'd be there through it all, because that's what best friends do.

4. If you could afford a live-in maid or nanny, would you have one?
I wouldn't want a stranger living in my home for any reason.

But if I could afford a full-time maid I would definitely take one! With a maid I wouldn't need a nanny, and I wouldn't ever want a nanny. I like mommy-ing too much, and I'm too possessive of my babies to allow someone else to mother them.

But a maid? Bring her on!


5. Do you stress out about birthdays (specifically the age) or do you enjoy them?
It varies from year to year. Twenty six was a melt-down year. Thirty didn't bother me. Thirty one about sent me over the edge again. I'm nice and unpredictable like that :)

And, a bonus question from Scott, that I wasn't brave enough to put in as a regular question...answer at your own risk, or not at all! (Or something...)

Bonus: Lights off or on?

Lights off...but I like a little glow. Candles. Night light. Full-moon. Alarm clock...whatever ;)

THIS makes me ANGRY.

I saw this on Facebook a few days ago and it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way.

I decided I better investigate the story thoroughly before I splattered my opinion all over the Internet.

I read the information. Listened to the news. Weighed the issues. And I'm not even going to get INTO the actual issue of SGK pulling funding from PP. That's not what I'm angry about. That whole situation is a complicated, political situation. One I can honestly see both sides on, and one I'm not going to debate.

But no matter WHAT one's opinion might be on SGK's decision, "PINK STINKS" is NO way to voice an opinion.

You know as well as I do that people aren't always educated on political and social issues. This generalized attack doesn't make it very clear what your problem is. It looks to many like you're bashing breast-cancer awareness in whole.

Pink doesn't represent SGK and the business decisions they make. PINK represents breast cancer awareness. Survivors. Mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, and nieces who fought horrible battles and survived. Or maybe they didn't. Pink represents all PEOPLE who have cared for a cancer patient, lost a family member, lost a friend, or watched one suffer.

Even if you don't approve of SGK's allocation of funds, they still do AMAZING work for cancer research and awareness. They still support MANY women who need support. If you want to help low-income women who need breast exams, donate your money DIRECTLY to PP, that's your business.

What I find SO ironic about this is that it's mostly liberals who are up in arms, slinging insults.

If the conservatives were offended about the fact that SGK donated funds to PP, (and some of them would be), and they were chanting "PINK STINKS!" and pulling their support from SGK, don't you think they'd be criticized? People would be droning on about the bitchy conservatives. The closed-minded bigots who are pro-life.

It's a free country, and I think everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. One can donate her money and support wherever she chooses. BUT. Going so far as pasting up pictures saying "Pink Stinks," in my opinion, is too far. Educate people on what's going on. Help however you feel is right. Change the way you donate your time and money to cancer research.

But ANYTHING that might in ANY way offend a cancer survivor, sufferer, or supporter, is the wrong way to go about it. Plain and simple. There has to be a line, and for me, PINK STINKS crosses that line.

Birthday Blahs

"Hey, Mom, whatcha wanna do fun for your birffday?" Chloe asked me just a day or two ago. It's less than a week until the "big" day, and I have to say I'm not feeling it this year. At all.

"I'm one of those unlucky January birthday people, Chlo. There's nothing fun to do on a January birthday. Can't go to the beach or have a pool party. Can't go to the park. Half the time it snows." I said, kind of sadly.

I was worried about turning 30 last year, but ended up taking it like a champ. Turns out it's being OVER 30 that bugs me. And I mean bugs me. I'm just really dreading this birthday.

Like I told Chloe, it's January. I just got the tree down. No more glow of the twinkly lights or smell of sugar cookies. The post-Christmas let-down makes it even tougher to get excited. We're expecting a baby, and have so much to buy and do before May. So shopping or anything of the sort will only cause guilt over money spent that needs to be saved.

And baby on the way means I won't even get to enjoy my two Long Island Iced Teas during my birthday dinner at Applebee's.

Sigh.

So what's left for a pregnant 31-year old to do on her January birthday? Sit on the couch and eat cake, I suppose. Two pieces. ;) I don't mean to be melodramatic, I just think this might be yet another birthday meltdown year =/ Cheers.

Equally Important

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to offend any service members or their families. It is in no way a generalization of service people.

I was off yesterday, and the Mister asked me if I wanted to tag along with him. Sounded better than doing dishes and laundry, so I quickly dressed and headed out the door with him. I love days when it's just the two of us, and even if we're doing nothing more than feeding cows and tying up odds and ends, I love tagging along.

Toward the later part of the afternoon we ended up at the shop, and they were swamped. I took my place behind the desk and worked for a little while until things became less crazy. While I was sitting there, an older man sat down and started speaking to me in Chinese.

I gave him the "ah ha ha" smile, and raised my eyebrows, unsure of what the point of his yammering was. He was clearly NOT Chinese AT all, so I didn't know if he thought *I* might be Asian (because my stark white skin is so misleading?) or if he was senile and reliving his war days, or what.

Finally he broke the awkward silence and revealed what he'd said (I can't remember now, it was some kind of phrase like "I don't give a damn" or something). He then proceeded to tell me about how he was a retired Marine and had been all over the world, spoken to all kinds of people, taught younger soldiers how to prepare for life over-seas, and about many of his travels. I listened as I always do when customers feel like chatting, and though he was a little hard to understand, I carried on conversation with him the best I could.

Then he asked me how old I am, and I told him. He called me a 'whipper snapper' and told me about how the younger generation these days has no respect, especially for women. I agreed with him, and we talked some more about racism and bigotry. He then went on to tell me what a rat-hole this area is, and that he would NEVER raise a child here.

I didn't say anything. I'm not going to get into a debate with some old vet.

Then he turned to me and said, "I've been all over the world and done so many wonderful things. What are you doing with your life? You just gonna sit on your can and work an office job?"

And I became greatly offended. In my irritation, I replied, "Yep. That's the plan."

He soon left and I was glad to see him go. Then I began wishing I'd said more. I wished I'd told him that my life was important and that just because I'm not fighting a war or traveling the world doesn't mean I'm worthless.

This little farm life is the happiest I've been in my whole entire life! This community may not be much to some people, but to me it's a close-knit place where people know my name. Chloe has a school where she may not have the newest technology, but she has teachers who have time to focus on her, who know her well and care about who she becomes. She has friends whose parents aren't child molesters or alcoholics. People who live close by and help their neighbors out.

I have a job that allows me to work whenever I want to, to back-talk my boss (hehe), and wear jeans and t-shirts every day. A job that allows me to give mothering my full attention, yet still have some spending money.

 I have a home that is cozy and warm, and a husband who provides for his family. I am a wife and I take pride in being a good one. I am a mother and love that job more than anything in the world. I have a daughter who believes that without me in her life there is nothing. She may only be a child, but to her I am the world.

I may not have a big beautiful glamorous life. I may never leave the country or get a job that is considered "important," but the things I do every day are important. They help my family run smoothly. When I die, I may not have medals and badges and the title 'hero' etched on my stone, but I know that I have loved hard and made a difference to the people around me.

And that's enough for me.

Besides. I kinda like sittin' on my can ;)

Accepting what it became...

I was living my life, minding my business, when I logged into Blogger and came across this post. You don't *have* to go read it, but it's all nifty and comes up in a separate window, so you might as well.

Usually I read someone's blog and think, "ooh she's so right," or "oh that's awful," or "I can't imagine..." but reading this blog ignited something. Maybe because it hit me so close to home.

Friendship is a beautiful, wonderful, fulfilling thing. It's also a tragic thing. It's much like a boy/girl relationship, but almost MORE complicated sometimes. With boys we date, we court, we mend a few breaks in our hearts, then find that special someone who seems to fit and make us happy, and usually we commit to one guy. One at a time at least.

Friendships are different. It's ok to have lots of friends. Different relationship levels. But sometimes you find that friend who just seems to click. Like she might be "the one." The one you spend the most of your time with. The one who gets you. The one who is like you in so many ways (or at least seems to be). The one who feels like a sister to your soul.

The one who breaks your heart.

With "regular" friends you can drift quietly away and move on with life, never realizing you have diluted them out or vice versa. You can still smile and say, "It's so good to see you! How are you?" in the grocery store, and though it may be a little awkward, it's usually not a bad thing.

But THAT girl? The one you broke up with? Or the one who dumped you? She's the one you had a blow-out with. The one that took you through a range of emotions from love to enraged to sad to indifferent to crazed to numb. The one you see in the grocery store and duck behind the pyramid of tomato paste to avoid making eye contact.

Over time, though, you heal. Even though you remember what she did and what she said, you've come to a point in your life where you're over it. It's moot. You've come to a new place in life and all the junk that was SO! IMPORTANT! when you fell out, suddenly has no place in your life whatsoever.

Suddenly a song comes on the radio. Or you go to that place you always had lunch together. Or maybe there's a crispness in the air that reminds you of that season of life when she was your world. The smell of a certain food, or a show on tv. Anything that makes you remember the perfectness of what was, and helps you forget the tragedy of what it became.

And you pick up the phone. You write an email. You creep her Facebook. For just a moment you long for the comfort and ease of what was, and think just MAYBE it could be again. What it became doesn't have to matter anymore, does it?

The sad truth is that it can't be what it was. It won't. No matter how much you forgive and forget, just as soon as you start reliving the past, it comes back to remind you what happened. The only options seem to be making amends, and keeping a safe distance, becoming generalized acquaintances, or going back and doing it again, only to find that the good brings the bad back with it. Almost always.

The best thing to do? Love the good memories. Relish that smell or that song for just a minute, then move on. Don't let yourself forget for too long why you came to be without her. Call it a life lesson and deal with it. Accept what it became, and know it became that way for a reason.

Didn't it?

I love my bulldog, my granny, and Dairy Queen

Ohhhh I'm so happy it's Friday. Not AS happy as I was a few days ago, when Chloe had a dentist appointment today that was RUDELY  moved to Monday. I could be on my way to Springfield right now, holiday tunes blaring, thinking about what delicious lunch Chloe and I would be having.....

Guess I have a reason to look forward to Monday now.

Anyway, it's Friday and it doesn't feel like Friday without five questions. So here we go.


1. What's the last thing you spent too much money on?

Rocky. Our full-blooded, champion blood-line English Bulldog.

We felt so guilty after we got him that we tried to pass him off as a pound puppy...hehe. But no one was buying. And while we DID get a great deal on him AND can make mucho moolah off his er, ah..."goods," we still spent too much for a farting, stinking dog.

But at the time, we didn't think a baby was anywhere in the near future.  Oh little did we know that two weeks later one would start a cookin' in there!

But look at this face. Can you REALLY put a price on it???

 

2. What celeb chef would you want to make you dinner?
I'm going to go with Rachel Ray. She doesn't make anything that is too "out there," she cleans as she goes, and she makes dinner in 30 minutes or less :) That's my kinda cooking. She knows how to give old favorites a new twist without going too crazy.

I also wouldn't mind having Michael Simon...but mostly just because I like to hear him talk :)


3. Where do you hide things when visitors pop over or do you let them see the real deal?
Right now everything goes in the spare bedroom. It's got everything from our gun cabinet to our wedding stuff to our photos.

But that's not going to be a "spare" bedroom for long. In about six months it will have a squishy baby inhabiting it.

At which point, I'd say I'll start packing stuff to the basement.



4. Who is your oldest living family member?
That'd be my Mimi

She is my dad's mom, my only living grandparent, and pretty much the best grandma anyone could ever even dream of! Oh my goodness I could write post after post after post about her! She lived down the street from me when I was growing up, and we did everything together! She sewed all kinds of things (even Barbie dresses) for me. She took me all kinds of shopping. She baked and cooked like a REAL grandma. She rocked me even when I was too big and too old to be rocked. She is an amazing woman and I am so glad to have had her in my life all these years!

She turned 83 in July :)


5. What is your favorite DQ treat and/or Sonic drink combo (ie: cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper)?
Oh man. I sit in the DQ drive-through debating what to get EVERY. TIME. Hubby always says, "You know what they have, why do you have to read the menu?"  To which I reply, "I know, but I can't decide."

My top favorite things? The chocolate-covered strawberry waffle bowl sundae, and the chocolate brownie blizzard. But there are a million other things I LOVE.

As for Sonic flavored drinks? I like chocolate Coke and cherry Coke. But not choclate cherry Coke :)

It's the Holiday Season...

Chloe's Halloween costume still lays on the floor at home. There are still sparkles in her hair from the night before. The candy has barely been touched, and our Jack-o-lantern is still fresh, other than a black mark on the inside of his lid from his candle. It's a cool, crisp fall afternoon and we need to run to Walmart.

While other moms are devouring the 1/2 price candy aisle, and stocking up on costumes for their little cuties, I find my cart veering toward the lawn and garden area. I pretend I'm just getting my toothpaste and shampoo, but the cart and I are of one mind. We both know where we're headed.

As I push it closer, I can see the glow of twinkle lights, the green Christmas trees (and pink, and white), and I can hear the familiar sound of Christmas tunes disappearing into the high ceiling. Is it me, or is it a few degrees cooler back here?

My eyes light up like a little kid who is seeing Santa for the first time. My heart feels warm, and I can't help but smile. The smell of cinnamon permeates the air. I begin slowly trekking down each aisle, admiring the ornaments, all organized by color, thinking about the tree skirt I'd like to have, and looking at new wrapping paper.

I begin thinking about the hustle and bustle of December, and how in just a month it will be time to drag up the totes and boxes and start making the house festive. It's officially the holiday season for me. The "holiday season" being, in my mind, the time from November 1st to January 1st, which encompasses Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. A time of festivities, food, family, and friends.

For the first few weeks I keep out my pumpkin spice candles and my fall leaves and pumpkins. But, let's face it, those have been out since before Halloween, so it's not like they're new to the living room. But as soon as Halloween is over, I love beginning the process of getting "in the spirit." It's a time to anticipate the holidays, a time to start planning my gift-giving (aka SHOPPING TRIPS!), and a time to think about how to make my house all cozy for the next couple of months.

I don't buy anything. I don't go home and drag out my Christmas lights. Although, on a cold November day you might find me with my Christmas playlist at full volume. I merely begin anticipating my favorite time of the year.

Then I wake up and read a Facebook status like this: "Come on, people. It's November. We haven't had Thanksgiving yet. It's not time for Christmas!" Or "OMG Christmas stuff already? RIDICULOUS!"

To that, I say, let me have my Christmas spirit! Let me be excited and anticipate the coming holidays. It's the best time of the year for me! Don't you pull out your shorts or your fishing pole on the first warm March day? I bet so. Don't you plan your New Year party before Christmas has come and gone? And do you start shopping for summer clothes and tank tops before the 1st of June? I mean, it's not REALLY summer until June 21st, right?

Maybe it IS a little early to be decking the halls on November 1st, but for people like me, it's exciting.

Walmart gets it. They're just catering to the holiday junkies like myself.

If you don't want to start early, don't. Stay out of the Christmas area. And if you're bombarded with it beyond your control, just think to yourself, "It's too early for me, but I bet Andrea would enjoy this..."

But don't berate me for enjoying this time of year to the fullest. And I won't call YOU a Grinch. Or Ebenezer. Or Scroogy McScrooge.

Deal?

Step 1: Admit you have hormones

I forgot how crazy raging pregnancy hormones can make a woman.

Some would argue that I'm borderline as it is, so throw this hormonal rampage in the mix, and you've got something scary on your hands!

Sometimes I *know* I'm being hormonal, and other times I feel I have completely just reasons for my rage/anger/uncontrollable crying/elation. Then a few days later I look back and laugh at how wrong I really was in believing it was anything BUT my hormones.

Let me walk you through my hormonal rampage day:

7:15am I'm puking. And probably crying, or seething, depending on which side of the bed I woke up on.

8:15am Breakfast time. Watch a little tv. The Pampers commercials have me bawling like a baby. So happily anticipating the arrival of my wee one.

9:00am Roll into work. Some old doucher man has a smart-ass comment to make about me being "late," (like he sets my schedule) or about something I should be doing.

9:01am Old doucher man gets his head snapped off, as does anyone else who crosses me between now and lunch.

12:00pm LUNCH time. I'm either happily eating, or puking from the smell of the boys' lunch. I feel better either way, and enjoy visiting with my hubby for a while. Happy happy mommy.

3:15pm Chloe gets off the bus. So happy to see her. Hugs and love.

4:00pm Chloe is bored and driving me nuts. A new doucher man comes in and teases her. Mama bear comes out. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

5:00pm Time to go home, YAY! A quick surge of energy as I gather our things and head home. I quickly do some dishes and start dinner. Happy mama.

6:00pm I'm exhausted. The day has more than caught up with me and all I want to do is lie down. But there are more dishes to do. Chloe is out of jeans, so I have to do laundry. The supper needs cleaned up. Chlo needs a bath. I need a bath. And I just want to sleep.

Instead I cry.

Or seeth. Depending on which side of the bed I woke up on today.

7:00pm Puking resumes. More tears.

8:00pm Chloe is getting out of the tub. I'm mustetring up the strength to get off the couch. Hubby has the nerve to mention something I FORGOT to clean/do. I seeth.

8:30 I'm tucking her in. Reading a book. Her soft little cheeks are so kissable. I'm suddenly sorry that I felt irritated earlier, that I am so tired, and that I didn't want to play Polly Pockets with her. It makes me feel even more guilty that she is so understanding and loving. I hide tears as I tuck her into bed and squeeze her tight. So much love.

9:00 I can finally go to bed. Relief washes over me. I want to visit with my hubby. Snuggle and love. But instead I mumble, "I love you," as my head hits the pillow and my eyes fall shut. And somehow he knows that means I'm sorry for my hormones. I wasn't really mad, and even though I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping, I still love him more than anything.

9:05 He closes his eyes and prays I wake up on the right side of the bed :)

Give me a bubble bath and a DVR...

1. Where do you escape to when you've had enough?

I used to drop Chloe off with Mom and go walk. But that's not an option anymore, and if I go, she is tromping behind me, whining, wanting me to stay, or take her, or pull her wagon, or something. So usually I go to the bathroom. I run a full bath and lock the door. If I'm lucky hubby doesn't pick the lock, and Chloe doesn't bang on the door yelling, "MOM! I HAFTA PEEEEEE!"

But I'm not all that lucky ;)


2. What shows are you watching this fall?
Let's see. I'm watching X Factor and Grey's Anatomy. I WAS watching Teen Mom/16 & Pregnant until they RUDELY ended the season and replaced it with I USed to Be Fat. I'd be watching more if we had DVR. But we STILL don't. So I'm not. And I'm not ONE BIT bitter about it. Nope, nope, nope.

3. What was the longest roadtrip you've ever taken and where did you go?
The longest road trip I've ever taken *literally* is to Wyoming. I went twice, once with my granny and grandpa, and once with my youth group. But I've blocked out the latter, so I shall say Wyoming with grandma and grandpa at age 12.

The longest *seeming* road trip was the trip home in a rented mini-van whose a/c went out and whose belt was squeaking with a grouchy (now ex) husband, a stressed-out mom, a relatively cool brother, and my own self (which can be as bad as a rotten toddler at times he he). I'm pretty sure I spent the whole trip with an empty apple-juice bottle filled with ice stuck down my shirt.

4. Do you plan on taking your kids to Disney World?
I don't plan on it, no.

I'd like to, I really would. But there are just so many OTHER things we could do with the money a Disney trip would cost us. Probably two family vacations that would be JUST as fun and memorable.

But we'll see. You never know what the future holds. I'm not against it, I'm just certainly not planning it.


5. What is something people would surprised to know about you?
I don't know that there is much of anything that would surprise "people" in general.

People I only know professionally or as acquaintances might be surprised at how *not* shy I can be.

People who have known me my whole life might be surprised at how quiet I am (sometimes).

Most people are surprised that I don't eat any water-dwelling creatures of any kind, and that I don't like Chinese, but YOU probably already knew that :)

Some people might be surprised at how sensitive I am, and how easily my feelings get hurt (though I try not to show it).

While others would be surprised at how sarcastic and mouthy I can be.

Depends on who you are I guess.

Adventures in Tooth Pulling

Yesterday was a big day for Miss Chloe. She started out having pain in her gum above one of her caps (the front one that sticks out like a sore thumb). I took her to the dentist, and by the time it was time for her appointment the sore had bubbled out and was clearly an abscess.

I was very worried after the trouble she had last time she went to the dentist.

The dentist suggested pulling the tooth (yay for losing the ugly cap!), and decided to do it then and there. She asked me to sign a consent for Nitrous, and I did. What an amazing gas it is :)

Chloe was relaxed, and she felt no pain throughout the entire process. She handled the whole thing like a champ, and when we left the dentist's office her first question was, "When are we gonna eat?"

Ahh a girl after my own heart :)

Since she was feeling great, and I was feeling great (for a freaking change!) we agreed we would eat at Olive Garden, where we always share fettuccine.

We made a stop at the mall and did some GREAT bargain shopping, getting her all geared up for Christmas festivities and winter snow (Mother Nature, if you DARE leave us with a snow-less winter I will hunt you down and kill you myself).

We sat down to lunch and let me tell you, there's nothing like the peach Bellini tea, fresh salad, and warm bread to make two girls happy :)

We ate and talked. She colored. Our food came, and we ate some more.

Afterwards, we made a trip to Barnes and Noble, where we spent a large amount of time perusing books. She in the children's corner, I in the pregnancy and parenting sections. We finally made our choices, and were both excited about what we got. I found a great "baby book" that is all from Chloe's point of view, and I got the pregnancy journal I've been wanting. She settled on Max and Ruby and Barbie, of course.

Finally we went to PFI and Bass Pro and did some browsing, then stopped at Andy's and headed home.

Pumpkin pie concrete. Soooo bad...but sooooooo goooooood!

I felt so good all day, and was so refreshed last night. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just *supposed* to be at home. And by "at home" I, of course, mean running around Springfield with my best girl eating carbs and shopping ;)

Six more months.

I can't wait!

Fridays aren't what they used to be...

It's FRIDAY!!!!!!! A few short months ago Friday was so much different. Fridays were always eat-out nights. We might eat local and get a big juicy cheeseburger, or go out in Springfield and have steak. Maybe Applebee's or Olive Garden. I was staying home then, so the house was always clean and the chores were done by Friday afternoon. The coming weekend either meant one-on-one time with my hubby while Chlo was gone, or lots of fun family activities. If we were sans Chloshmo, a few drinks on Saturday night were always a possibility, whether playing cards with his family, or building a bonfire, or just relaxing at home. I cooked a big breakfast and dinner on Sundays. I rode along for farm work, or took Chloe to the park. We'd be outside a lot, and always had something going on.

Now I look forward to Fridays because it means the end of the work week. I can go to bed at 9:00 and sleep as late as I want. I can take my medicine and take a nap on Saturday. I have extra time to finish laundry and catch up on house work. I don't enjoy eating at all. I mostly look forward to two days curled up on the couch with my blanky and my unconsciousness :)

Either way, Friday means Five Questions, though...

1. Do you prefer your ice cream in a bowl or in a cone?

Hand-dipped chocolate chip on a sugar cone, please :)

But I'll eat ice cream pretty much any way you serve it. I love it. Especially in the fall and winter (weird?). It's my favorite night-time snack, and lucky for me, the bebe tolerates it well and lets me eat it often :)

2. What three things do you love the smell of?
Bread baking is my favorite smell. Ahhhh I love it. It reminds me of holidays at my grandma's house, and it reminds me that very soon there will be warm, fresh bread to be eaten. Mmmmm.

Newborn babies come in next. That sweet, yummy baby smell--there's nothing like it. When they out-grow that "fresh" stage, they still smell good in all their powder and lotion and baby goodness. Mm.

Finally, don't laugh. . . Hubby's pits.  His deodorant smells soooooooooo good (Degree) and although he shakes his head at me, I think he secretly likes when I nuzzle up next to him, stick my nose under his arm and say, "Mmmm babe your pits smell soooo good."  What. You don't sniff your hubby's pits? Interesting...

3. Giftcards or no? (In regards to gift giving...)
I love getting gift cards. Don't get me wrong, I love cash, too, but I'm too often tempted to spend it on groceries or gas. With a gift card to a restaurant we love, or a store where I shop, I have no choice but to use the funds at that particular place. I always enjoy the week after Christmas or my birthday when we get to go eat out "for free," and I don't feel guilty having dessert or a pricey appetizer. Or when I get to go to Maurices and get new jeans or a cute new top and not use my plastic. I always think of the giver and appreciate getting (or eating) something I really enjoy.

I used to never give gift cards, because I feel like it's a cop-out and I'd rather choose a gift, but then I realized that I tend to appreciate the "choose-for-yourself" gift just as much as one with thought put into it, and usually the gift card is more practical, so I finally let go of that stigma and started using them frequently, trying my best to choose a store/restaurant that I know will make the recipient happy. (that was a really long sentence...)

4. What sports did you play in high school if any and do you still play them?
I "attempted" to play basketball in 8th grade. I stuck it out for the whole season, but I hated it and never played sports again. The end.


5. Were you in band in high school? What instrument did you play?
I was not in band. When we went to band orientation the first few days of 6th grade I really thought I wanted to be in band. The band teacher even called my mom and told her that my testing showed I had an ear for music (tell that to my singing voice!) and that he could help fund my instrument if I wanted to join. However, the band room was not air-conditioned, and those first few August days flared up raging migraines for me, so I wanted no part of it. If I opted out of band I would be safely in an air-conditioned windowless classroom learning about speech or something. So I didn't join. Tragic, eh? But if I HAD joined band, I wanted to play saxophone (like Lisa Simpson hehe).

I heart bread (more than flowers)

I know, it's Monday. I'm late to the game. But better late than never? SURE!

1. What is your go to comfort food or sweet?


When I'm sick I want soup. Vegetable beef (preferrably home-made) or Mom's chicken and noodles. Mm. With bread.

Otherwise, I'd say bread. Nothing makes me happier than fresh baked bread or rolls (nothing, except if someone else took the time and trouble to make it then brought it to my house for me to enjoy). Add to that donuts, croissants, toast.....anything in the bread family.

And, if I have a really bad day, there's not much a plate-full of spaghetti (with garlic BREAD) and a brownie won't fix :)

2. What is the most romantic place you've ever been to?

Well to me, it is Pensacola Beach. But I've only been there on a mother-daughter-granddaughter trip with Mom and 'Shmo.

The most romantic place the Mister and I have been together? Probably Vail. But he was sick. So we didn't get to enjoy the romanticnessss so much =/

You know what I think is the most romantic place for us? Our house. At Christmas time. When we're snuggled up on the couch together after Chloshmo goes to bed, and there's a Christmas movie on, snow flying, and twinkle lights blinking. He looks stunning by twinkle-light :)

Maybe he'll take me to the beach one day....

3. What is your favorite thing about fall/Halloween?

Halloween, shmeh. I liked getting dressed up for it as a kid, but once I out-grew that (like Santa, it took me a little longer than most), I was pretty-well done with Halloween.

Best thing about fall is weather and food. And I've gone into detail about that before, so I'll spare you :)


4. How would you spend 24 hours alone?

With a hoodie, my blankie, a pillow, the TV and a book.

I would read.

Then nap.

Then watch a movie and eat something yummy.

Then finish my book, maybe. While sipping hot lemon tea (decaf, sure sure).

Then I'd take another nap.

Eat again.

Movie.

And it goes on. Until my 24 hours is up.

Unless you also want to give me unlimited funds. Then I'd shop 'til I dropped, take a power-nap, and shop some more!


5. Does you husband bring you flowers? Are you the bring-me-flowers type of girl?

No. He doesn't. Hasn't. Probably never will.

It's not so much that I'm not the bring-me-flowers type of girl as it is HE isn't the bring-her-flowers type of guy.

And he knows flowers are lost on me.

But he writes notes on the mirror with a dry-erase marker.

He sends me texts for no reason.

He snuggles with me before he gets out of bed.

And I'd take those over flowers any day <3

Ooh or a bouquet of bread. That would really get him some points he he.